I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
