question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
