We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
