she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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