3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
