u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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