I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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