what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
