im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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