last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
