Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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