Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
