so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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