Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
