We're like a lot better than the average bears
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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