Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
