you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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