Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
