So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize