I think I am morally bankrupt
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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