I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
