Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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