I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
