Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
