At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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