I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
