I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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