Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
