my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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