you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
