WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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