she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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