I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
