Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
