His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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