I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
