it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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