tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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