I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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