I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
