alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize