I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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