have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
