Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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