My first STD was from a foam party
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
