community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think people are normalizing furries
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