the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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