okay pat passed out under dana's car
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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