I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
