Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize