i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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