I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
