I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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