either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
