I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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