Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize