mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
