Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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