Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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