Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
