I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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