that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
