So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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