If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
