Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
