my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
