Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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