***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
