i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
