I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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